Wednesday - Good

Been putting in rough 8 hour days. Is beneficially pretty calming.

My goal has been to ask 3 strangers 3 questions everyday. When I am walking I look at people and try to come up with good questions to ask them.

The main thing that happens is you have questions to ask people but are afraid that they are stupid or offensive or will result in the person walking away.

But you just have to ask them anyway.

Today I went to regular coffee shop and sat at the bar area next to a young lady with a laptop. I sat there about 30min without saying anything, then as leaving (with the excuse/safety of my leaving) I commented she is working late. She smiled and said yep (as opposed to being annoyed and angry at me). I asked her what she was doing. Shes a dietician. I asked her how long that takes as in school. She said one year after undergrad. So, I asked one stranger two questions today. Thats better than asking no strangers no questions. Other questions i suppose I mightve asked the dietician are: whyd you get in to that?, do you eat well?, how long you been in the city?, how old are you?. I kind of disqualified myself since I weigh 120lbs and she is a normal size adult female and I feel I am physically repulsive/ out of the league of women like that. (most women).

One other comment of note to make myself feel like I am a good person: also on coffee shop saw bicycle girl from the other day. I have seen her three times now. I said hello to her. I considered sitting with her at her empty table but after I said hello her response seemed very rejecting of me. So I kept walking. I think I mightve misinterpreted her response. I dont think it was necessarily rejecting. Soon after this episode she left in what seemed like a disappointment. It made me think maybe she was disappointed I didnt talk to her. Just dont know.

Oh well. Good job and keep increasing questions asked!

Excuses

Before talking to a person it always seems safer if you have an excuse; like you are compelled to talk to them not because you want to but because of circumstance.

I mean in reality we are talking to pretty much anybody in order to develop social comfortableness and overcome social anxiety.

I'm sure I wouldn't mind somebody talking to me for that reason, but I would much prefer somebody talking to me because they thought I was attractive or interesting.

However it feels very risky to say "hi I wanted to talk to you because you are attractive". Too scary to do, especially when I can barely walk in a bar alone.

So anyway I thought of a I think a pretty good excuse to hold personally, although still awkward to disclose I feel. Three facts about three strangers. Its a goal to keep. And has measurable results. I will come back here and post my three facts about three strangers nightly. And they have to be facts that are not visible; no cheating like "Person X was wearing a black shirt".

I guess this is more a motivation than an excuse. But if I am focused on fact gathering it may help motivate overcoming the initial anxiety, and structure the interaction.

Saturday June 27

COLD APPROACH IS BACK. [Heavily re-motivated by this blog]. Read new "About" section for updated perspective and goals. Onwards:

PRE: Eye is acting up and cannot wear contacts. Therefore have to wear goofy glasses which I feel draw attention to me or cause people to prejudge me and this will significantly decrease my chances of entering a bar. However did successfully cold approach a woman from earlier in the day at a coffee shop. We were sitting at the coffee shop bar and I had been wanting to talk to her but could not bring self to. Rejected all possible things to say as inferior. As she started to leave she whipped out a huge bicycle helmet and put it on the table and I asked her if she biked and commented that it was a big helmet. She laughed and said she didnt have a car and she was borrowing the helmet. Then left. So even if I dont go into bar today, already have one CA under my belt. HOORAH. Nobody in life gives you anything; and some people actively take it away.

POST: Drove through bar area. Saw a guy. He was bigger than me physically as most people are. I am light as shit. Feel bad about it, like people dont respect light people. Saw some cops. Drove around. Wasted gas. Didnt go in. Knew that was going to happen. Dont like going in places wearing glasses; prefer contacts. Its a big thing. Feel disappointed but glad I am back on the blog. Also glad I am not the only one in this position.

sat - fail

Havent posted in a while: havent gone out in a while.

Went out tonight and went into a bar and sat RIGHT NEXT to a group of easily approachable girls (i.e. they were sort of chubby, quiet; could easily have talked to them). Didnt though. First night out in a while and I'm shy: thats the whole point of doing this, to help overcome shyness.

Its good being out though and in a bar around people with the sights and sounds and whatnot. Life has a lot to offer to the non socially anxious.

weekend = bust

This weekend was a bust. Problem is massive paucity of targets within reachable distance of my location.

All the same, I am still shy. Approach anxiety etc. So I think the cognitive trick I am going to apply is the time-block; the same one I used to get myself to go into a bar alone for the first time.

I just need a good and polite way to end conversations. That way I can say "ok I am going to go make conversation with this woman for 90 seconds and that will be it." Then as I get more comfortable for that length of time I can slowly increase the length of the interaction.

Anyway thus far we've successfully cold approached 3 women. Here's to this week increasing that.

fri

went out to a new bar. i would say there were about 30 males in the room and about 5 girls. yep those are pretty good odds. drank a fucking beer and went home. probably need to go out later still (this was at 11) and to ... different bars.

so anyway no ca today. at least i went out though.

thurs - meh

Went into a bar which is a good, because there really seem to be good opportunities in bars for conversing with strangers.

However, sat next to these two bitches, one a regular, talking and really shouldve said something to either introduce myself or something, but failed to. So sat in silence for like 20min drinking a beer while they blabbered on infinitely.

Kind if excruciating but I got closer tonight than ever because I went and I will go back out tomorrow night.

The key is you just have to get Zen. You dont have to preplan anything or map out the cognitive scripts and frames of a girl's life and the present interaction. You just listen to yourself and the processes going on inside your body. Inside me is a strong and ever present anxiety regarding social interaction. Its there and I havent been able to overcome it. I think the only thing that will overcome it is exposure. Just like I was afraid of entering bars, I did it once, and now I can pretty much go into anyone I have no fear regarding that. I just need to strike up a conversation with a single girl and I will no longer have fear regarding that. Right now I'm just sitting on the otherside of the mountain.

Anyway time to whack it to internet ladies, read about AI all day tomorrow, and then go out again tomorrow night. Shrugs.